Back to Life
by rightxhere
Summary: AU. Freed by Jefferson, Belle searches for Mr Gold while haunted by memories from a life she'd long been forced to believe had been imaginary.


**Title:** Back to Life  
**Author:** Demelza  
**Disclaimer:** Once Upon A Time and its characters belong to ABC and are used here within this story for the purpose of entertainment only. No infringements of these copyrights are intended.  
**Fandom:** Once Upon A Time  
**Genres:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort  
**Pairing:** Rumplestiltskin/Belle  
**Rating:** O15  
**Warnings:** Torture references  
**Spoilers:** Mild ones for Broken, a few from Skin Deep (though they've been twisted to fit this AU)  
**Summary:** AU – Freed by Jefferson, Belle searches for Mr Gold while haunted by memories from a life she'd long been forced to believe had been imaginary.  
**Note:** This one is **theclassics4**'s fault. It's not mine. Truly.

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Belle had dreamed of far off places for so long that when the orderly she'd never met before granted her freedom she hadn't expected to see so many different kinds buildings, roads made entirely from stone, or unusual carriages that somehow moved without the aid of horses. She passed people as she walked down the main street, all of them dressed colorfully and in styles she didn't recognize, and whenever they stopped to stare she wondered if they knew; if they knew about the memories of torture that haunted her, or the dreams of finding solace in the arms of a man she never meant to fall in love with.

She had no doubt they'd think she was mad. Mad and corrupted. Corrupted was the word her doctor had often used when he told her the freedom she wanted could never be hers.

'There's no place in civilized society for someone like you,' he'd tell her.

All she'd wanted was to escape the nightmares that left her screaming into a cold and empty room with no one to hear. She wanted more than her dreams to comfort her in the darkness; dreams of a quiet and gentle man who held her in his arms and hummed a lullaby to her. Dreams of his hands cupping her face as he promised everything would be okay while she lay bleeding on the cold and damp floor. She'd imagined he was with her for so long now that she couldn't sleep on the nights when he felt like a distant memory without a face or a voice.

Just as magic had often pulled her out of her comforting dreams with a fiery, electric current rippling through her body, the blare of a loud horn brought Belle out of her thoughts to a state of panic. She hurriedly wiped the warm tears from her cheeks and increased her pace. She ignored the burning pain in her weak legs. She _needed_ to find Mr Gold. She wanted to know that everything was going to be okay. That she was going to be safe. That he'd protect her.

When she finally saw the words 'Mr. Gold - Pawnbroker' on the window of a small store she felt a wave of relief wash over her. She stepped toward the door and turned the handle. A jingle from a bell overhead startled her as she opened the door, and she stepped inside with bated breath before she turned to close the door behind her. The room smelled musty and of fragrant spices she didn't recognize, and there were many different kinds of antiquities on all surfaces, even hanging on the walls in places like trophies. Most were otherworldly to her, but some looked familiar to things from a childhood her doctor vowed had never been real.

A shadowy figure moved on the other side of the thin curtain at the far end of the room and Belle crossed the store, pushed the curtain aside and carefully stepped into the dark, windowless room. Behind a work counter, she could see a man not much taller than herself standing with his back to her. Even from where she stood, she could tell he wore attire that distinguished him as a man of wealth.

"E-excuse me," she began, her voice trembling but still laced with a hint of hope, "Are you... Mr Gold?"

He began to move, "Yes I am, but I'm afraid the shop's clos-" As his face came into view and his gaze met hers, his words ceased and every one of her nightmares came back to life.

Belle's breath caught in her throat and she felt suddenly sick. "You're... _you're him_."

With the support of his gold-handled cane, Mr Gold stepped toward her. There was a deep-rooted anguish in his eyes. "Belle...?" he asked in disbelief.

Her chest ached and fresh tears pooled in her eyes. "You're real," she whispered, and the memory of lashings from a crazed man searing into her skin caused her legs to feel like they were about to give out beneath her.

Mr Gold's face crumpled and she could see unshed tears in his eyes. "Yes. Yes, I'm real," he told her, his voice tender and assuring as he stepped closer and brought her into his arms. "I'm real, Belle."

Torn between the nightmares made of painful memories and the man – _him _– who visited her in her dreams and brought her comfort in an otherwise dark world, she willed her eyes shut and told herself everything she remembered at the Dark Castle had been a horrible dream. Except, his hold on her – while gentle – caused the stiff fabric of her garments to rub against the countless scars her body bore.

_A bright blue light that illuminated from one of many magical spells that were meant to torture and not kill her stung Belle's eyes. 'Please!' she pleaded between screams. 'I'll do anything! Please! Please just stop!'_

_Silence fell as darkness did, and soon she felt warm breath against her ear._

_'Your life holds no value to me anymore, Dearie.'_

Belle's eyes shot open and she pushed Rumpelstiltskin – Mr Gold – away from her. His eyes were full of the same panic she could feel rising in her chest. "Why?" Her breath caught in her throat again and she took two rapid breaths, "Why? I _loved _you!"

She could see the guilt in his eyes. Could see something else. _Self-hatred._ "Belle I... I was afraid."

"Of _what_? Me?!" She shook her head, holding her hand out to stop him from stepping toward her again. "What joy could you have gotten from what you did to me, Rumpelstiltskin?" His name on her lips caused her to tremble and she couldn't do anything to stop the tightening that gripped her chest.

"I felt no joy, Belle," he told her, and though she could hear the grief in his voice she looked away as she fell to her knees. Her every breath came rapidly, and when he knelt before her, grimacing with pain, she squeezed her eyes shut. "Belle, after we kissed and-and we made love, I sent you away because I loved you. Because I couldn't bear losing you like I lost my son."

She opened her eyes and lifted her gaze to his. "You _tortured_ me!"

Gold's eyes grew wide with horror and his chest rose and fell quickly.

"You came after me. You threw me in the dungeon. You used spell after spell on me. You _laughed_ as you _tortured_ me. _Every. Single. Night!_"

"No, Belle. I never-"

"Why?" she asked again, more tears stinging her eyes, "Why did you hurt me?"

"Oh sweetheart," he began, and he brought his hand to her cheek. His face was wrought with grief. "I'd never hurt you, Belle," he paused, swallowing. "There's only one person who would have. Only one person who'd ever want to. _Regina._"

The name made her blink and she remembered the orderly again. _'Mr Gold is going to protect you, but you _have_ to tell him Regina locked you up.'_

"R-Regina?" she asked, and her mind flashed with images of the woman who'd looked into her room some weeks ago – _the woman in black, _the same woman she'd met on the road that last day she and Rumpelstiltskin had shared together before _everything_ changed.

"The Evil Queen," he said. "She told you about True Love's Kiss and _after we_... after I sent you home... she said you'd killed yourself because your father sent clerics in to you, to try cleanse your soul. She must've... she must have kidnapped you."

She saw images of him appearing in the middle of the same road she'd met the woman in black on next. She remembered his twisted smile, so hateful, so unlike anything she'd seen before.

She shook her head, "No. No it was you, Rumpelstiltskin, I remember it was you!"

"Magic," he murmured, "Dark magic." He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Locking you up meant – meant she could give you a fate worse than death, and she... oh gods, Belle, _she did_. She tricked you into thinking she was me – that all the terrible things she did were... were done by me."

Belle's gaze fell and her eyes welled with tears, remembering the blood that had come a month after their union. _The blood that had come after hours of torture._ Her body had been weak, starved of food, lashed and beaten. She'd bled, and he'd stood over her, laughing with an inhuman evilness.

When darkness had come and she was alone, he'd visited her for the first time. As gentle and loving as the Rumpelstiltskin she had shared her bed with, he brought her back to life. He gave her strength. _Comforted her._

She lifted her hand and numbly placed it over his hand, where it rested against her cheek still. "I lost it," she whispered, her eyes meeting his. "Our baby. _I lost it._"

Tears streaking his face, Rumpelstiltskin moved closer and drew her into his arms. "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. _I'm sorry._"

Belle squeezed her eyes shut and wept in his arms like she had done so many times before, except this time she could feel his warmth and the shudder of his body as he wept along with her. He was really there, holding her in his arms, and she knew in her heart that this time... _this time she was safe_.


End file.
